Ah, the golden days of Gen-X, when kids roamed the streets unsupervised, fuelled solely by Pop Rocks and the promise of a new episode of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.” You see, back in my day, we didn’t rely on “screen time limits” and parental controls. No sir! Our screens were the funky, retro TVs that flickered with the glory of 3 channels plus PBS, and we had to actually get up to change the channel—an Olympic event in itself. If you missed “Saved by the Bell” because you were busy pondering life’s mysteries, like which flavor of Kool-Aid would make you the coolest kid at school, tough luck! You’d just have to wait for it to air again—maybe in a week or two, if you were lucky.
Let’s talk about fashion, shall we? Remember when the height of cool was a pair of parachute pants, neon leg warmers, and enough scrunchies to take down a small army? And by “small army,” I mean any group of pre-teens at a mall who had too much time and allowance on their hands. It wasn’t a fashion faux pas; it was a statement! A statement that screamed, “I’ve discovered my mother’s closet and do not intend to leave until I’ve tried on every pair of her acid-washed jeans.” Ah yes, the denim nostalgia that still haunts us like yesterday’s leftover pizza.
And let’s not forget the technology—oh, the sweet, naive technology. We were the last generation to believe that paying attention to the number of rings on a rotary phone was an acceptable way of determining if someone was home. The thrill of calling your crush on that gigantic landline, praying that their mom would pick up and somehow not ruin your life, was akin to winning the lottery. And if you didn’t hang up fast enough? Congratulations! You’ve just earned the prestigious title of “Unintentional Stand-up Comedian.” The awkward silences were pure comedic gold, folks.
As we sit here today, marinating in the toxic stew of “adulting” and wrinkle cream, it’s hard not to look back with a smirk. Sure, we traded our slingshots for student loans, but doesn’t a simple day of footloose joy seem like the ultimate prize? So here’s to our glorious, cringeworthy past—the only time we had to defeat an “enemy” was in Mario Kart, and our biggest stress was when “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” came on. Grab your cassette tapes because who wouldn’t want to rewind and hit play on those sweet, twisted memories of non-digital fun?