Ah, the sweet, sweet scent of sarcasm mixed with nostalgia. Remember when the biggest decision of your day was whether to use your last quarter on Pac-Man or Space Invaders? Those were the days, my friends—when adventure was a field trip to the local roller rink, and your idea of a digital experience was a pixelated blue hedgehog going faster than your mom could drive you to school. We may be slightly jaded, and sure, our hair was much higher in the '80s, buoyed by enough Aquanet to fill a hot air balloon, but let's take a moment to bask in the glow of the neon lights and cassette tapes of our youth.
Let's talk about toys that came with tiny choking hazards and a dash of existential dread. If you weren’t meticulously collecting Beanie Babies while you tried to prevent your Tamagotchi from keeling over, were you even living? And don’t even get me started on Polly Pocket—the pocket-sized miracle that was about as easy to keep intact as my self-esteem in the school cafeteria. I mean, good luck finding that one shoe amidst the kaleidoscope of plastic chaos. It’s no wonder we turned to skateboarding and grunge to channel our inner angst; who wouldn’t want to rebel against toy designers who thought the best way to spark joy was a minefield of miniature parts?
And let’s not forget the sacred experience of renting movies. For every family road trip to Blockbuster—where your parents would demand you hurry while simultaneously perusing the "adult" section—you can almost hear the collective groans of “not another John Hughes film!” echoing through the aisles. The anticipation of bringing home a VHS tape (which actually looked like a cinderblock) only to find out that the rewind button was broken was the ultimate betrayal. It was like gearing up for a Super Bowl party and finding out the game was canceled. That, dear friends, is how we became masters of disappointment early in life, a lesson that would serve us well through failed relationships and life decisions as “grown-ups.”
As we sit here, slightly broken and mildly successful in whatever chaotic adult lives we’ve somehow crafted, let us raise a toast with half-finished cans of Surge from our youth. They say that every generation has its battle cries. Ours? The sound of a dial-up modem chirping, the sweet freedom of showing up to a friend’s house unannounced and getting ghosted by everyone because they were busy playing Doom, and the continuous search for snacks that didn't come with a side of guilt. At this moment, I think we can all agree: no matter how many memes we scroll past on our shiny smartphones, nothing will ever truly compare to the joys of running around outside during a game of Red Rover—probably while sporting a fanny pack and scrunchie. So here’s to us, the weirdos who lived through the awkward bridge between the analog and digital age—and emerged slightly weirder on the other side!