Ah, the sweet scent of nostalgia wafts through the air like a warm summer breeze carrying the faint aroma of burnt Pop-Tarts and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures. What happened to those halcyon days of cassette tapes, neon leg warmers, and prime-time television that was borderline unwatchable yet infinitely charming? Those were the days, my friends—and by “friends,” I mean the small pixelated faces of the kids on my family's 13-inch tube TV, fighting to do their best “What Would Bill Murray Do?” impersonation while I munched on my Lunchables (the original—none of that new-age organic nonsense).
Remember the exhilarating thrill of waiting for a dial-up connection to establish? It was like playing a never-ending game of Jenga with your patience. As you sat there, listening to those iconic screeches and beeps, you knew that when you finally heard, “You’ve got mail,” it was either the best news of your life or just a chain letter from Aunt Karen reminding you to send her a dollar to win a million (spoiler alert: you won nothing). Yet somehow, like primed relics of a past age, we survived those early internet years, heading to AOL chat rooms to dive deep into animated discussions about whether the Fresh Prince or the TGIF line-up was our true sitcom savior.
Yet here we are, marching forward into the land of TikTok and streaming services where everyone seems to think they’re the next viral sensation, despite not having a single decent punchline. Give me a break. I’m still processing the emotional trauma of the series finale of “Cheers.” While we’re at it, can someone explain why my entire childhood could be summed up with five ten-second bumper stickers and now kids can get a million followers for attempting to eat a whole bottle of ketchup? I guess I didn’t apply myself enough in high school; I should have skipped the English essay and gone straight for the ketchup.
Looking back, we can’t help but roll our eyes at the ridiculousness of our youth. We survived beepers, mixed tapes, and discipline from the parental “phone call doesn’t end until you hang up” when we stayed on the line too long with our friends. Now, I get a headache just thinking about the existential crisis that Snapchat filters cause. And while social media is crammed with #ThrowbackThursday posts of all the embarrassing haircuts we thought looked cool back in the day, the truth is those were some of the best times. Yes, we might have to use back pain cream now, but we also know that we survived dial-up, survived the awkwardness of middle school, and lived to tell the tale—a tale that doesn’t need Instagram likes or TikTok views to validate. So grab a Capri Sun, crank up some Bon Jovi, and let’s reminisce about the times we didn’t even have to worry about our screens.