Ah, the '80s and '90s—a time when we had to worry about influential figures like Billy Idol getting too close to our hair gel and not about TikTok influencers gatekeeping our childhood. Back in the day, our biggest conundrum was whether we should cast aside our beloved cassette tapes for the shiny new compact discs or take a leap of faith into the perilous world of laser discs. Spoiler alert: none of them would ever beat the satisfying crackle of a vinyl record, which, let’s be honest, no one really knew how to operate anyway. If we were able to collectively agree on one thing, it was that hair spray was definitely an underappreciated form of self-care.
Remember the thrill of running home after school, flipping on the TV as you raced to catch your favorite shows? “Saved by the Bell” shaped our times as we wired our minds to believe we could navigate high school with nothing but a snappy catchphrase and an awkward teen crush. Then there was “Full House,” which taught us that anyone can raise a perfectly manicured family while still looking fabulous—even if it meant ignoring basic life skills like kitchen hygiene or understanding why a grown man is sharing a house with three children and a hair-obsessed comedian. Those were simpler times back when sweating over dial-up internet connections was the social media meltdown of the day, and "OMG" was still relegated to our school notebooks.
And let’s not forget the tech revolutions we witnessed—or should I say tech disasters? You know, like the time we thought wearing a pager was going to make us feel like undercover spies, when in reality, it was just a fancy way to be annoyed by our friends when they buzzed us too many times during the latest episode of “The X-Files.” Honestly, it felt like we were one heavy metallic case away from world domination or, at least, having to listen to our parents complain about how we were wasting our youth on “that stupid television.” And let's give a round of applause to video game graphics that looked more like pixelated mashed potatoes than the jaw-dropping realism we see today. You got excited about a 16-bit character like it was the Mona Lisa.
Now, as we look back on our childhoods with the fondness of someone who just discovered a box of VHS tapes while cleaning out their parents' attic, it’s hard not to feel a wave of nostalgia mixed with just a pinch of existential dread. What happened to the days when our biggest stressor was whether or not we’d get a good seat on the bus for the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” marathon? Now we’re just perpetually stressed adults contemplating if we should start a fund for those poor souls who think pineapple belongs on pizza; we had our troubles, but at least they were flavored with the sweet tang of nostalgia instead of overpriced avocado toast. Here’s to the '90s: you were a chaotic, pixelated masterpiece that we may never fully understand, but we sure loved every minute while also complaining about it to whoever would listen.