Ah, the late 80s and early 90s—an era when the toughest decision you faced was whether to rock a fanny pack on a trip to the mall or just stick with classic Jell-O shots at a raucous 8th-grade graduation party. Yeah, those were the days when you could avoid adult responsibilities by simply transitioning from watching Saturday morning cartoons to getting your head stuck in a Nintendo. “No Zombies on this Console,” they said, as you valiantly took aim with the orange plastic gun during Duck Hunt—who knew that this was actually a premonition of life’s constant struggle to shoot down the real-life ducks of adulthood?
Let’s talk about fashion. Remember when we thought parachute pants were a sensible choice? I mean, nothing screams “daring fashion statement” like something that looks like an overly aggressive sleeping bag. And let’s not forget about our personal grooming arsenal, which consisted of enough hairspray to single-handedly create a hole in the ozone layer. Big hair, don’t care, right? I still find myself chuckling at those times I spent ten minutes perfecting the perfect side ponytail, only to have “it” completely ruined by the smallest hint of humidity. Or, if you were really living on the edge, the curl was so high it practically had its own area code.
And, oh, the thrill of using a payphone! If you wanted to call your buddy for plans, you’d come with a pocketful of quarters, standing on the street corner, risking life and limb just to hear the sound of the dial tone clatter back at you. Forget “pinging” someone on a smartphone; you had to physically navigate the wild jungle of your neighborhood with no GPS! It was a miracle if you managed to locate a phone in the first place, let alone reach someone who was still at home—which was literally an Olympian feat considering the number of friends who seemed to always be “out.” This was before we realized “out” usually just meant that they were avoiding your calls as diligently as they avoided gym class!
So, here’s to nostalgia—the bittersweet high you get from doing the moonwalk down memory lane. Sure, life is more digital now; we’re all slipping into a TikTok wormhole rather than jamming out to cassette tapes. But just remember the next time you find yourself caught in a digital apocalypse with no charger: somewhere, a payphone still rings. Maybe those were simpler times, or maybe we were just blissfully ignorant of the looming existential dread. One thing’s for sure: If you need me, I’ll be over here, trying to nail my side ponytail and still figuring out how on earth to beat the final level of Super Mario. Cheers to the memories!